k, this post will probably make me sound like a bratty bitch but at this point, i couldn’t care less. 

as those golden-rod sheets of paper came rolling into people’s classrooms earlier this week, i knew it could only mean one thing: recipients for awards at one of our very last school-related functions of the year — senior awards night. 

so as the days went on and teacher’s aides came rushing into classrooms, stacks of bright orange sheets in tow, i couldn’t help but wonder what they were for. “it doesn’t say” they mumbled as they scanned the invitations. in the beginning, it wasn’t too difficult to guess what kind of awards certain recipients were getting — Kim for best graduate, Belinda for maintaining a stellar GPA while still kicking ass in sports.. etc. 

when i found out some people were getting awards for pretty much anything under the sun, though, i was pretty disappointed to say the least. it’s really something to have done nothing their entire four years in high school and still be able to receive an award for something.

where does my disappointment (jealousy?) stem from? I’ll tell you.

ever since i joined leadership in junior year, i haven’t stopped contributing. the spirit committee was rather small, so when it came time to heading and delegating work, it was up to me to help finish the job. the week of the hellogoodbye assembly, tiffany and i pulled THREE consecutive all nighters just to complete minute final changes that she asked for, on a project that probably wasn’t even bad to begin with. 

for both this year and last, i’ve poured every ounce of my heart and soul into Mills High, always giving 110% to try and make it a better place. in august, we’ve braved through the tough when rogue kids vandalized and tore down our campus decorations.. honed improv skills for FIFTEEN minutes at the very first rally when a scheduling error on Ms. Kitano’s part caused a quarter-hour gap in rally times.. ran errands for ms. mayer and drove all the way to smart and final ALONE to pick up all the 1000 hot dogs and buns for fun in the sun, and then made 15 trips lugging ketchup, mustard, foil, dogs, and buns to and from my car to get the food in the classroom on time..

all whining aside.. one of my first goals when i was elected ASB rally commissioner was to up spirit participation in non-native english speaking students. well, lauren and i worked tirelessly to brainstorm and get to the root of the non-participation issue. well, I’m proud to say that by the time the Homegoing rally came, a good majority of the fobs (for lack of a better term) were at least wearing a Mills spirit t-shirt, if not decked out in beads and pompoms (!) 

i believe it takes that type of dedication and commitment to your school in order to make real, tangible changes. and i won’t try to downplay it; i think lauren and i (as well as the rest of ASB)  nailed it this year. boat dance? check. fobs dressing up at rallies? CHECK. teachers saying this is the best year they’ve ever had at mills? UHH CHECK.  

of course kim and lauren ended up receiving amazing awards - Best graduate for Kim? A nursing scholarship for Lauren? Of course they deserved it! 

earlier i was mentioned how proud i was to have accomplished such a daunting feat at the rallies — after all, getting past the language and culture barrier is hard enough; most asians are raised to be shy and reserved.. i figured i’d use my outgoingness (and my asian face) to lure them out of their cave of timidity. and when i was successful, yes. i felt PROUD. i was proud to be at mills; proud to be a viking; proud to be there. i poured my whole heart and soul into improving campus life, and damn right, i was proud.

and when a golden rod slip didn’t get passed to my desk this week, you bet i was disappointed.

how is it that i did all this shit for mills, and not get an ounce of recognition for it? seriously, it isn’t even about getting a physical plaque (not “plack,” like some award recipients have spelled it) or a certificate of my “good-doing.” it’s just about the recognition. the God damn motherfucking recognition. like for someone on Mills’ behalf to say, Thank You. Honestly, Mills isn’t the most spirited campus in the san mateo high school district, but some of the efforts I made to improve the quality of school life and campus vitality weren’t just to save Mills from its stereotype — it was to truly make it a better place. And when one of the very last events put on by Mills to show recognition for efforts and accomplishments came and went, I realized pride is not a term i can use to describe how i feel toward Mills anymore. Don’t get me wrong - I’m still grateful that I’ve been blessed with so many wonderful friends and teachers, experiences I’ll never forget, crazy all nighters.. i could go on and on.

But when things like this happen and important issues get overlooked, you just can’t look at the same campus the same way again. It’s a sad notion to convey, but I suppose this is the way I’ll be ending my four year high school career - on a bitter note. 

At the very least, I still have my pride and motivation to go further in life. And those are some things nobody can take from me. 

/bitchydivarant